Sick Day - Long-Anticipated Day - Open-Heart Day

Yesterday, I left work two hours early because I could feel my ears plugging up painfully. My cough also has been increasing. I went ahead and requested a substitute and called off today, as well. I normally plow forth and endure at work, even while sick, because explaining what someone would need to know to "do my job" even for just one day- often takes more time than is worth. Ugh. I called in sick because I also have needed a personal day to rest and get away from the negativity at school. (Read my last post.) I don't enjoy being sick in the least little bit, but I DO enjoy watching the daylight change with the hours as it streams through my forest-view bedroom window. The two dogs, also, are loving that I am here. Their interpretation is, "pet me all day long!" Both are sleeping at the base of my bed right now. Sweet girls.

It's been good to "be home," in the sense of enjoying time to relax, watch a movie (or 3), play on Facebook, and select a new-more-autumn-ish background for my blog. (This background actually has the title of "Lovin' Lindsey." I like its cheerful simplicity- just what I am craving in my life right now.)

Today also has been a big day for several people I "know" online:

Ebe is pregnant!! I am so happy for her and her family- I know they have wanted this for soooo long. It's been such a long and difficult road for them. Time for some happiness in their world, absolutely! I hope they find peace and comfort as they brace themselves for this exciting (and scary) adventure!! Congratulations, Ebe!! You ARE a wonderful mama!

Elle is undergoing open heart surgery as I type. So far, one of the two holes in her heart has been repaired. I don't know this family personally, but I am so encouraged by a family placing hearing aids onto a 6 month old little girl who needs them. She's a beautiful little lady, and I enjoy reading their updates and seeing photographs of little Elle wearing her hearing aids.

Dawn just celebrated her birthday. She's a real-life friend of mine from college, and she is a talented, beautiful soul. Her posts radiate her natural optimism and love of life. I wish I could see her on a regular basis, but am happy we have the wonderful world of internet at the very least. I am so proud of her! Happy birthday, dear friend!! I'd sooooo share a cup of coffee and a cupcake with you if I could! (Additional note: My aunt & uncle just accepted a job at Ventana and are moving from Tempe to Tucson in the next couple of months. We're very close to them, and I'm sooo hoping that we continue to go visit them. With that said- maybe we can actually hang out!)

Here is my favorite go-to recipe for when I feel lousy:
Ginger Honey Tea

1 Inch Piece Fresh Ginger, peeled
2 Cups Water

Juice of 1 Lemon
2 Tbsp Honey, or to taste

1. Cut the ginger into disks.

2. Bring the water and ginger to a boil. Cover, reduce heat to low and let steep for 5-10 minutes.

3. Remove ginger from water.
4. Add the lemon juice and honey to the water and stir to dissolve honey.
5. Serve the tea in your favorite mug.

I often like to make a big batch (double recipe) and refridgerate the rest. Easy to microwave & heat up for repeats! (Make sure to take the ginger root out before storing, or it will be way too spicy!)

Time for this sick girl to take a hot shower and dig out another box of Kleenex.

There was once a time that I loved to sneeze- it felt like a little bit of laughter inside, like how a "giggle" would feel, that little tickle. Now-- after sneezing so often, and painfully-- not so much!

Frustrated Rant -- You've Been Warned!!

I had hopes of posting a cheer-ier (cheery-er?) post about optimism... however...

Lately, I have been feeling pretty frustrated at work- mainly due to a great deal of difficulty with a fellow teacher(s). At night, I have had difficulty finding optimism in my train of thoughts. I also have been having difficulty with "letting go" of these particular issue which has been eating at me for two nights now. I know I am doing all that I can to document my actions (and theirs), and protect myself, as well as to let my supervisors know of the issue(s) at hand. The part that "bothers me" the most is that the kids will yet again pay the price for someone elses' incompetencies. Yet I will continue to push for what is right- the laws of special education are on my side. I just wish (so badly) that it didn't affect me inside so much; to where I'm laying here and unable to sleep for the inability to "turn it off." I know that part of this is my "personal level of expectation"- and I work very hard at this. At being forgiving of myself, as well as striving to do the very best job that I can do. I want to be an advocate for my students, their families, teachers, as well as teach all of these parties to advocate for THEMSELVES. Especially the students. It is harder to help the teachers-- esecially when they aren't willing to allow me. Especially when they refuse to allow me to support my kids despite their legal right to accommodations and modifications. It is so wrong, on so many levels. I have yet to be amazed at how many regular educators that I've worked with, that have this fabled notion-- that their classrooms should be "perfect" with no Special Ed students. That all of the SpEd kids should be in self-contained or Resource environments. Um- no- not realistic, in any way, shape, or form. There are so many students with IEPs who ARE capable and WILLING to try their hardest at regular education coursework. Sometimes they need a little bit of extra support, even some as simple as having a test read aloud to them vs. reading it silently. Some kids need to have more supervision or repetition of directions. All kids can learn- and are legally entitled to a place which doesn't restrict their learning environment. This really eats at me inside, because I know it is wrong when a teacher becomes confrontational about allowing me to provide these supports. It all becomes a frustrated mess of terminology & emotions from here on out. Never a good combination!!

Argh.

Special Education-- and ANY education is difficult enough. Why turn down assistance that is freely given and willingly offered? At no cost other than to see students succeed? Why deny a student (or group of students) the support which is clearly documented and clearly needed? On another, slightly separate note-- why complain endlessly about SpEd bringing down academic achievement scores-- if you do NOTHING to help these kiddos succeed?

How is this fair? Who pays this price? When does this mentality change? When do the walls come down, and the acceptance rise from some depth?

I have been privileged to work with some truly exceptional teachers. Many of them have not- and I believe, never will- be this difficult. Yet, I still don't understand why I see this negative treatment towards SpEd kids so often in my job- I truly don't.

Aren't we supposed to be here for THE KIDS?

End rant.

Tomorrow is another day. I am growing professional confidence and "spine" with each of these said difficulties... Just wish I could take a magical pill and get the same results. It'd sure be a lot easier!! Maybe I'd even get more sleep. Ha!

Although..... Some days, it feels as if it should be -- and I'm totally kidding:

:)

County Fair with Baby "Sha-wa"

My sister and I were the best of friends when we both were small. She is 28 months younger than I. When I was a toddler and proud of my role as a brand-new big sister, I pronounced her name (Sarah) through the side of my mouth, as "Sha-wa." I would frequently refer to her as "Baby Sha-wa." She had dark, curly hair- such a contrast to my thin, straighter-than-straight blonde hair.

We were the best of playmates- share-ers of Cabbage Patch dolls, CareBears, Crayons and bed-tents. Prime taste-testers for cookie dough and mashed potatoes, lovers of pumpkin-pie... Before we realized the unpleasant effects of having to share a bathroom... Before we were both in high school and became so easily annoyed with the other... Before every difference in our interests & personalities seemed monumental. When it was so easy to argue and get mad. It was easy to nit-pick and find faults--often having them ourselves- of course we could not admit it. Growing up, everyone always thought that she was the older sister. You can imagine how much I truly loved that. (Sarcasm.)

Now that we're adults, leading our own lives, and have found ways to accept our differences & similarities. Also now that we are actually living relatively near-by to another, and in the same town-- we've been able to create opportunities to spend time together. And gasp!! We actually enjoy each other! She's spent several months traveling overseas, living in Washington, and I lived in Goodyear & Sedona. Now we both are in Flagstaff. I'm so glad for this chapter in time that allows us to celebrate both our differences and similarities--together.

I drive past her apartment every day on my way to school. Every Friday, I leave her a "love note" from (her) YBS. I have signed my notes to her this way for years- from: "Your Big Sister." I often stick these notes underneath her windshield wipers. I even keep a box of plastic baggies in my car now that we've been getting rain on a regular basis. I often cut out cartoons or fun quotes or jokes, and glue them to these notes. I love that she knows they are from me, and that I'm saying hello. Even if we may not have had time together for a few weeks...

This weekend, we held fast to a long-time family favorite, attending the County Fair!!

I love the people-watching, the scanning-crowds-for-faces-I-know, the families enjoying their day together, couples hand-in-hand, the junior-high kids who think the fair is the next "big deal" and "coolest date ever"... The lights, the scents, the noises... The fair has always been one of my favorite memories and experiences to, well, experience!

We laughed our heads off playing the 2-ticket (often-rigged) arcade games. Our favorite has always been the squirt-water-into the clowns' mouth water gun race. We rarely ever win, but still enjoy it immensely!

Hearing the laughing kids as they ride high above the crowds.

Seeing the children wave at their families below- feeling soooooo high above the world!

Part of people-watching has always been to observe (laugh) at peoples' expressions as they enjoy the carnival rides:
Riding the Zipper...

Riding the Zipper... Around and around the track while being spun backwards, forwards, upside down, and over & over. It's my carnival favorite ride, and most certainly my biggest adrenaline rush of the day! (What could possibly be scary about flipping around and around, upside down, while inside a tiny metal cage!?) This ride also illustrates another difference in my sister & I. Here is Sarah's uncertain reaction:

Eating the several favorite fried fair foods... Curly fries smothered in liquid cheddar cheese. Kettle corn, roasted corn on the cob, Navajo tacos on fry bread, & caramel apples... Sooo unhealthy & sooo delicous-- it is pointless to try to eat healthy! Eating this way is simply part of "the experience"- fact!! (Once a year, folks!!)

Truly-- This was a wonderful day with one of my most favorite people on the planet, certainly one of those that I love so infinitely much.

I can't help but wonder about the future I'd like to have as a mother someday. I hope that if I end up with 2 children, whether they be girl & girl, or boy & girl-- that they love each other as much as I love MY sister. I consider myself incredibly lucky now-- and would consider myself the luckiest mama in the world should my children appreciate each other.

Hoping for an update-y post this weekend. Lots to share about these new chapters unfolding...

In the meantime- I am celebrating Friday!!

(Picture, instead, a teacher wearing jeans, a blouse, and dressy flats...

I don't do that male suit thing!) :)

In these last two months...

These last two months, I have been busy!!

...packing up my Sedona classroom into boxes.

...packing up my Sedona apartment & cleaning quickly & furiously. (Had 3 days to finish packing, clean, garage-sale, & vacate.)

...spending 4 glorious days floating & rafting on the San Juan River, in UT. I travelled with my parents, cousin Beth, dear friend Anneliese, as well as family friends Regina, Jeff, and Craig. We hiked, had water fights, rescued cookies that fell overboard, had mudslide drinks before 10 am, played in the mud, visited ancient Navajo cliff dwellings, played Apples-to-Apples, LAUGHED, shrieked with joy as we paddled down rapids, took silly pictures, gave the lizards in our campsite names & identities, and so many more activities. I loved the time I got to spend underneath the sun- and the wonderful people I got to travel with.

...moved said boxes from Sedona apartment to storage unit here in Flagstaff. (Yep- I moved back to Flagstaff! It's official!)

...had a wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL day with my dear friend Crystal and her dog Bones. They came up to Sedona to visit for the day. We had lunch at Junipine, in Oak Creek. Crystal's pregnant with her first baby and we are soooo excited for little boy Beckett to arrive! I loved her visit, and do wish that we had more time together. A welcome break from moving!

...cleaned & organized the upstairs bedroom that I am going to be occupying for about a year. We sorted through about 15 bins full of saved family photographs, childhood artwork, etc.

...unpacking & making this room feel like "home" to me again. It's certainly weird right now, and definitely an adjustment- but it's going to be good.

...going on job interviews with various schools in Flagstaff. One day consisted of 4 interviews, before 12 noon. That was not an experience I want to re-live again anytime soon.

...landing a job with Flagstaff Middle School as a Resource Special Education teacher!! I'm so excited that I get to continue working with 7th & 8th graders. Most people have told me that I'm "nuts, crazy, psycho, insane," for enjoying Middle School. There's something awkward & gawky about the age. I remember MS with such distaste at feeling so out of place socially. I tried so hard to "keep up" with my friends, and wanted so badly to fit in. I remember those years with clarity. I am excited to be working with a team of 4 teachers and an administrator with an extensive wealth of recent, valid, experienced SpEd knowledge!! Better yet, I have returned to a place that was once mine, and those beautiful Peaks that I can view from its backyard.

...spending time with my good friend Anneliese. She is like a younger sister to me. She's returned from Western Washington University, and will be continuing her path as a student at Northern Ariz Univ here in Flagstaff. I'm excited that she's back!

...helping Anneliese/Annie unpack and redecorate her room. Like myself, she also faces returning to "live at home" for budget reasons. Neither of us are that happy about it, but have found some redemption at redecoration!

...helping my mom at her job in the Sinagua High School counseling office. Lots & lots of filing spent during many, many hours inside a hot, stuffy vault. Got paid in Thai food & Starbucks though! Best of all, my mom doesn't have to worry about not being able to get it finished herself. It was a wonderful gift to give her.

...rafted down the Salt River (near Mesa/Phx, AZ) with my aunt Marian, cousin Robin, and Anneliese. We rented inter-tubes and relaxed the entire 3 hours. It was soooo much fun, and I can't wait to go on the Salt again!!

...going to Flagstaff First Friday Art Walk with Beth & Annie. SO MUCH FUN!

...seeing the new Harry Potter movie. I didn't hate the movie at all, and an amazed at how much older the trio appear to be- but do wish I'd re-read the book before going to see it. I was very confused as to the plot, and I had a particularly tough time with their British accents.

...audiology exam. My hearing hasn't improved (rather the opposite in a minor decrease) but my audiologist thinks that I'm a good candidate for a very-newly-released model of hearing aid technology. I'm really excited to see what they can do for me! My current pair is about 6 years old; it's time for a new pair with better & improved technology.

...working out. Crazily enough, I signed up to work out with a group of women 5 x week, meeting from 5:30 to 6:30 AM. Yes, AM. It's effective, fast-paced, modifiable, and motivating. We also are getting pointers on bettering our nutrition and it's already been a lot of fun. Painful, yes, but fun. I am making new friends & though I spend a lot of time physically sore, I am already feeling a lot better that I am actively pursuing some changes for something that's a weak area for me.

...attending the annual Celtic Festival here in Flagstaff. I went with Annie- we walked in the rain for hours but had a great time! We got temporary henna tattoos (I got a bracelet.)

...got myself a new pair of glasses frames (ended up with Coach frames) and also cut off 5'' of my hair off! Short hairdo & new frames surely made me feel like a brand-new girl.

...getting medical needs taken care of, catching up on dentist/eye/ear appointments that are so hard to do during the school year.

...celebrated my younger sisters' 25th birthday! I guess she isn't so "young" anymore- she used to be! What happened to the curly-headed little shadow I used to have? It was a very fun day spent with family.

...(along with the eye appt reference above)- managed to severely bruise my eye as a result of all the moving & boxing up I did in June. I don't think I have ever been through anything as weird & uncomfortable as a bruised eye. I don't mean the skin around my eye- I mean the real eye. It was solidly bright red for almost three weeks. While healing, it began to turn a yellowish color. My vision wasn't impaired at all, I could still see just fine. My eye dr. said that I burst a blood vessel in the thin layers of the eye. A skin bruise would have turned purple but an eye bruise is just blood underneath the fragile thin layers. Very weird!! I had a lot of people ask me about it. (One young man asked me, even, how badly I had hurt the other guy! lol)

...watching "Bachelorette!" I've never watched one of these kinds of series before, but I'm really enjoying this one! (Free episodes online with closed-captioning)
____________________________________________________

...concluding this post. :) I'm tired & have another 5:30 AM workout tomorrow. Saturday I'll be going hiking with Anneliese & new friend Jackie up Mt. Elden! Goodnight... sleep tight.

Four Years of Teaching & First Weekend of Summer Vacation!

If you look closely, you will see the hand of one of the 6th graders, waving to me through the bus window!

This past Friday marks the conclusion of my 4th year in teaching, as school let out for summer vacation. The past 3 weeks have been so hectic, chaotic, and insane- rush, rush, rush- that I actually have slept very little. Despite being on "vacation" a whole 48 hours, my sleep schedule has been very out-of-whack. I slept most of the day yesterday, and awake most the night last night. I hope this crazy no-sleep thing gets kicked back to normal and very soon! It poured rain all day yesterday, as well- which is extremely unusual for northern Arizona. I had the windows open, and the cool air was so refreshing & peaceful. Still wish I'd have been able to sleep better...

I've been thinking a lot, these days, about what I want to accomplish with my immediate future. I don't want to allow another summer to go by, and be as unhappy as I was at this time last year.

• Priority - finish up the last details on paperwork at school. Need to turn in laptop by Fri.
• 2nd priority - gather up school materials so to prepare for new carpeting put into classroom. Already boxed, need to move above floor level.
• 3rd - gather up garage-sale-worthy items. My parents' neighborhood is having its once-yearly, 'hood-wide sale next weekend. Can't argue with an excuse for extra money! I know that I have waaaaay too much extra stuff that I simply do. not. need!
• 4th - establish a summer budget. I don't want my lump sum paycheck to taunt me into shopping sprees! I also want to travel someplace new & have an adventure this summer!
• 5th - finish paperwork to send off to Flagstaff. Inquire with the necessary people & hopefully do some observations.
• 6th - Schedule appointment with NAU's Special Education / Assistive Technology Program. I really want to find out more about their Graduate program.

This list is plenty long enough to start out with!

As a side note, I peeked into a blog titled "The Beautiful Cayman Cindy." Her mother shares the life of her beautiful daughter, Cayman, who was born with Hydrocephaly. I remember learning about the condition briefly in my "Low Incidence" undergraduate SpEd classes @ NAU, but haven't come across the condition since those years. This little girl has come soooo far from where she began, and is making leaps & bounds at her own comfortable speed. She has an amazing cast of supporters helping to ensure that her "film" is the best show that it can be. Mostly, this blog left me wishing SO. MUCH. that the students I've worked with had such a supportive cast behind them every step of the way. What a lucky, amazing little girl. I'm awed, truly. (I'd link to her blog if I knew how- but I'm illiterate when it comes to linky tricks like that! Ha!)

I'm hopeful to get some of that paperwork accomplished today. Nothing difficult, fortunately, just extremely time consuming... I may also start a load of laundry. Sleeping on freshly washed, fabric-softened sheets is sure to guarantee a sucessful night of sleep, right??

For Today: May 20th, 2009

For Today

Outside my window: The sky is gray and cloudy, and the sun is almost fully set. The air is quiet.
I am thankful for: Honey lemonade from New Frontiers
From the kitchen: Sesame bagels and cream cheese
I am wearing: My "life is good" jammies- I always change when I get home from school.
I am reading: "Look Me in the Eye," by John Elder Robison. It's a wonderful and personal tale of a man's perception of the world while strggling with Asperger's Syndrome.
I am hoping: That I can get all of my paperwork completed this week...
I am creating: Helped my mom plan the menu of food we'll eat on our river trip this June!
I am hearing: The washing machine on the rinse cycle, the tv on low volume
Around the house: Sayde is sleeping next to the couch where I am laid out, my cup of lemonade sitting on the table. I have a pile of clean socks to match on the dining room table and a dishwasher full of dishes to put away. Small chores such as those can wait until this weekend- oh wait- I mean- summer vacation!!
One of my favorite things: The coffee creamer called "Italian Sweet Cream." So delicious with my Starbucks espresso roasted coffee every morning. Mmm.
A few plans for the rest of the week: Continuing the file organization/paperwork completion at school. I am hoping to get my list of "to-do's" crossed off, and to keep having the kids boxing up stuff for me. (They will work very eagerly for food!) So much still to do. SO. MUCH.
A happy thought for the day: Evening here, as it's nearly 8 pm. My happy thought for today was getting to see one of my (former) 8th grade students, unexpectedly. BP held its promotion last night, so this student now is now officially a 9th grade freshman. My timing was perfect as I drove by his house as he was at the mailbox. I loved getting to see his smile and hear his laugh at least one more time... It truly brings such happiness to my heart. I will miss him fiercely.

Perhaps I'll put together a post of end-of-year photos... It's been a crazy last few weeks, but they've been FUN. (Mostly. ha.) 1 1/2 more days of the school-year. Hallelujah!