...someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight.I do wish that song were true, and I weren't a single individual, lol. I love its simple message, though. Its a good reminder that "love" isn't just romantic- that I know somewhere out there, my family loves me, and my friends. I do know that a lot of times, lonliness is just a cruel mind trap that brings people down way too easily. (Admittedly, myself, and on more occasions than I'd like to admit.) Ok... so it's been quite some time since my last entry. Thanks, Dawn, for encouraging me to come back!
Been BUSY. This past week has been the first week we've been in school since Christmas break. 2009 has hit the ground running, and even with the past 3 days off, I'm still reeling. I managed to catch a pretty nasty cold, as well. The mucus-y, drippy, hoarse kind-- I will spare you the details. I haven't been sleeping well due to the coughing, so while I did spend the last 3 days on my back, it hasn't been so restful. I stayed home from school today since my voice is all froggy and I'm still so tired. Too much to do this week to stay home another day, so tomorrow I return.
Been THINKING. I am feeling more and more like I do not want to stay in Sedona next school year. I just don't feel "at home" here, though I know the system of this District (who to ask questions to, etc)- and I don't feel that supported. I still avoid certain people every opportunity I am given. Every school I've researched has at LEAST 2 SpEd teachers and a self-contained teacher. Next year (if I stay in Sedona) I will very (VERY) likely be doing the work of 3 teachers, with no instructional aide. It's already exhausting doing the amount of work I've got currently- while we do have a part-time resource teacher. It just seems more and more to me like Sedona isn't willing to set up the program to its best benefit, to allow its teachers to help EACH student. At present, I'm good for helping two or three kids at a time, and somewhat multitasking throughout the entire day. My schedule bounces around between different groups of kids, and it's hardly long enough to truly get inside the projects at hand. I don't see that as fair to the kids. I am typically e-mailing, collecting input, or organizing at the same time that I'm working with the kids. If I don't get that stuff done, I don't get other parts of my job done. I wish I had the TIME to focus on each kid, and to be more present. It's just frustrating most of the time. I have little to no help in this sense. I don't know yet where I will land. Been looking at Prescott, Flagstaff, Tucson, and yes, even Raleigh. Also about time to get cranking on preparing for GRE and Grad School. More thoughts on that later.
Been in FLAGSTAFF. I spent the 2 weeks of Winter Break in Flagstaff, staying at my parents' house. Sayde loved being in the snow and by the fireplace. She really did love it, and she was so funny to watch in the snow. Over those 2 weeks, Flagstaff accumulated 35 inches of snow. It was so beautiful! I was able to meet up with a few friends, spent time with wonderful family (Grandma stayed with us, cousins visited to play in the snow), and even spent a beautiful day skiing with my old buddy Paul. It was wonderful to be away from "the vortex," and I felt so much more recharged. I didn't want to leave... My older (favorite) cousin Jenny had her little girl just before Christmas. It is so amazing to me that my family tree has just grown a new generational branch. This is the first child of all of my cousins, and it's really pretty amazing to me. It's beautiful to know that there is a little bundle of Jenn & Matt combined, somewhere out there.
Been THINKING. Really wanting to change some facets of my life for the better. I'm tired of dealing with the depression, though my medication helps some of it. I'm tired of feeling overweight and seeing a body that is twice my normal size each time I look in a mirror. (Then again, what is normal, anyway?) I can do better. I want to do better. I am going to try to do better. I have a few ideas for a plan, but I need to get it down on paper and see what I can do to make it truly happen. Nothing radical, of course. Stuff like menu/grocery/exercize. Want to get it down on paper and at least see it laid out there. I'd like to try to journal more- it's good to see thoughts down on paper, too. Not just goals for bettering my health, but thoughts of life and junk. :)
Been TIRED. Ok, already said that, but this is long enough for a post, and I'm needing to get myself to bed. Maybe I will post some holiday pictures sometime soon. I certainly have a few, as I did buy myself a new camera for Christmas!
Oh- and next weekend, did I mention that I'll be walking with 4 co-workers in the PF Chang's half-marathon? It's gonna be a wild weekend, and hopefully fun. I'll be tired, though. Oh man!
.... If love can see us through...
Marching through downtown Phoenix - the temperature that morning was cool, but the sun was shining brightly and our winterized bodies soaked up the sun! At least, mine did...
Myself & Jane, just after crossing the finish line. We walked 13.5 miles in 4.5 hours!! 
