PF Chang's Half-Marathon

"Don't waste life in doubts and fears;

spend yourself on the work before you,

well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties

will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The PF Chang's Half-Marathon event was one of the most fun things I have done in a long time. Yes, it was loud- Yes, it was long- Yes, I wound up with 3 blisters and ached for days afterwards. But it was SO SO SO worth it! I already want to re-register to do it all over again in 2010! I finished walking ~14 miles through Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale in about 4.5 hours. Because my co-workers all are runners, I was the only walker in our group. I found a sweet lady named Jane to walk with. Jane also happens to be 7 months pregnant! We weren't really able to talk a whole lot while walking, but Jane is from CA and works with "special" young adults, helping them learn how to budget finances and spend their money in real-life adult situations. The fact that we both finished in 4.5 hours really wasn't too bad for a beginner and a pregnant lady! There were still hundreds of walkers behind us... I had a great weekend with my co-workers, and like I said, I can't wait for 2010's event!!

Since I've returned, I've been working really hard on a few goals: to establish time for ME each day (that isn't tv), to increase my amount of exercise, prioritize tasks at work, use my work hours more efficiently, eat better, and sincerely make an effort to drink more water.

Now: a few photos...

Team Big Park & Co: Mike, Jessie, Matt, Diane, Heidi, Alex, myself, and Jackie

Heidi, her daughter Alex, and Jackie's daughter Jessie - just before their corral of runners took off! (The shadow on Heidi's arm is me.)

Marching through downtown Phoenix - the temperature that morning was cool, but the sun was shining brightly and our winterized bodies soaked up the sun! At least, mine did...

Myself & Jane, just after crossing the finish line. We walked 13.5 miles in 4.5 hours!!

Team Big Park & Company - exhausted but all of us felt so accomplished! WE DID IT!!

In other, much-smaller, and somewhat significant news, I've decided to re-subscribe to Match.com once again. (I did for a few months last year) Lonliness is a facet of my life that I would like to become braver about seeking change and confidence with. I figure this is a safe method & I can do this from the comfort of my own home (and pajamas!)... We'll see what happens! Maybe I will keep you posted... maybe I won't! ;-)

New (trial) layout... Will see if I like this well enough to keep it... Comments/suggestions welcomed!

Now, I'm off to the PF Chang's 1/2 Marathon! :)
Have a great weekend!!

Thank Goodness it is FRIDAY!!

TGIF!!! I am relieved. I woke up at 4am today just happy and feeling peaceful about the week ending. It has been a good enough week- though still just so jam-packed with things to do and people needing things. Not a lot of meetings, fortunately. It has been a good week in that I have gotten over my wretched cold (mostly), I saw a few areas I was able to admit that I was helpful to some students, my students were happy, I was able to disassociate myself from a ZJ meltdown, and I didn't have any run-ins with Steve (which makes me happy).

After school today I am driving up to Flagstaff to take Sayde to my parents' house for the weekend. I will drive back to Sedona tonight (late) and then tomorrow will be going down to Phoenix with Heidi, Jackie, Jessie, Matt, and Diane- PF Chang's half-Marathon is on Sunday!! We will see if I am to survive walking for 13.5 miles... lol. I'll let you know if I make it!

Somewhere, out there... Beneath the pale moonlight...

...someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight.

I do wish that song were true, and I weren't a single individual, lol. I love its simple message, though. Its a good reminder that "love" isn't just romantic- that I know somewhere out there, my family loves me, and my friends. I do know that a lot of times, lonliness is just a cruel mind trap that brings people down way too easily. (Admittedly, myself, and on more occasions than I'd like to admit.) Ok... so it's been quite some time since my last entry. Thanks, Dawn, for encouraging me to come back!

Been BUSY. This past week has been the first week we've been in school since Christmas break. 2009 has hit the ground running, and even with the past 3 days off, I'm still reeling. I managed to catch a pretty nasty cold, as well. The mucus-y, drippy, hoarse kind-- I will spare you the details. I haven't been sleeping well due to the coughing, so while I did spend the last 3 days on my back, it hasn't been so restful. I stayed home from school today since my voice is all froggy and I'm still so tired. Too much to do this week to stay home another day, so tomorrow I return.

Been THINKING. I am feeling more and more like I do not want to stay in Sedona next school year. I just don't feel "at home" here, though I know the system of this District (who to ask questions to, etc)- and I don't feel that supported. I still avoid certain people every opportunity I am given. Every school I've researched has at LEAST 2 SpEd teachers and a self-contained teacher. Next year (if I stay in Sedona) I will very (VERY) likely be doing the work of 3 teachers, with no instructional aide. It's already exhausting doing the amount of work I've got currently- while we do have a part-time resource teacher. It just seems more and more to me like Sedona isn't willing to set up the program to its best benefit, to allow its teachers to help EACH student. At present, I'm good for helping two or three kids at a time, and somewhat multitasking throughout the entire day. My schedule bounces around between different groups of kids, and it's hardly long enough to truly get inside the projects at hand. I don't see that as fair to the kids. I am typically e-mailing, collecting input, or organizing at the same time that I'm working with the kids. If I don't get that stuff done, I don't get other parts of my job done. I wish I had the TIME to focus on each kid, and to be more present. It's just frustrating most of the time. I have little to no help in this sense. I don't know yet where I will land. Been looking at Prescott, Flagstaff, Tucson, and yes, even Raleigh. Also about time to get cranking on preparing for GRE and Grad School. More thoughts on that later.

Been in FLAGSTAFF. I spent the 2 weeks of Winter Break in Flagstaff, staying at my parents' house. Sayde loved being in the snow and by the fireplace. She really did love it, and she was so funny to watch in the snow. Over those 2 weeks, Flagstaff accumulated 35 inches of snow. It was so beautiful! I was able to meet up with a few friends, spent time with wonderful family (Grandma stayed with us, cousins visited to play in the snow), and even spent a beautiful day skiing with my old buddy Paul. It was wonderful to be away from "the vortex," and I felt so much more recharged. I didn't want to leave... My older (favorite) cousin Jenny had her little girl just before Christmas. It is so amazing to me that my family tree has just grown a new generational branch. This is the first child of all of my cousins, and it's really pretty amazing to me. It's beautiful to know that there is a little bundle of Jenn & Matt combined, somewhere out there.

Been THINKING. Really wanting to change some facets of my life for the better. I'm tired of dealing with the depression, though my medication helps some of it. I'm tired of feeling overweight and seeing a body that is twice my normal size each time I look in a mirror. (Then again, what is normal, anyway?) I can do better. I want to do better. I am going to try to do better. I have a few ideas for a plan, but I need to get it down on paper and see what I can do to make it truly happen. Nothing radical, of course. Stuff like menu/grocery/exercize. Want to get it down on paper and at least see it laid out there. I'd like to try to journal more- it's good to see thoughts down on paper, too. Not just goals for bettering my health, but thoughts of life and junk. :)

Been TIRED. Ok, already said that, but this is long enough for a post, and I'm needing to get myself to bed. Maybe I will post some holiday pictures sometime soon. I certainly have a few, as I did buy myself a new camera for Christmas!

Oh- and next weekend, did I mention that I'll be walking with 4 co-workers in the PF Chang's half-marathon? It's gonna be a wild weekend, and hopefully fun. I'll be tired, though. Oh man!

.... If love can see us through...

Haven't posted in a month.... I'm hoping to journal a bit over Thanksgiving break. I get a week off from school--and it is MUCH needed, and just in the nick of time, too!

Looking forwards to vacation, time to myself, time with my beautiful Sayde, time with dear friends (moving into their new house in Prescott!), time with family, and time to sleep! Maybe I will get closer to remembering what it felt like to be rested and more "with" myself. These days pass by too quickly for me to grasp the fragments of them.

Ciao!

Twenty-six years and some-odd days ago, I was born. (No, it is not my birthday anytime soon.) However, when I was born at seven months' gestation, my mother had to be air-evacuated from Flagstaff to Phoenix because the Flagstaff hospital did not have a unit for premature babies. I was born. I lived in an incubator for the first weeks of my life, after receiving surgery to repair the holes that burned my under-developed lungs. This came as a result of breathing oxygen for the first time. As a further result of my prematurity, surgery, medication, and so on- I lost part of my hearing. I have lived my life not knowing what it was like to hear any better than I could, with 70% loss and 80% loss in each ear. I didn't know anything different, and my life has been very happy. I also know that if I had not been shipped to Phoenix, my life could have easily been something very different.

A friend told me about this website, and I include my personal story because I ask you to consider looking up this website & petitioning.

http://www.marchofdimes.com/padpetition/index.aspx?a=1&z=1&c=1&l=en

In other news, I have had a great weekend! My Aunt Linda came to stay with me on Saturday morning. She lives in Tempe but desperately needed girl-time and change of scenery. Sedona specializes in scenery! We spent Saturday in Jerome, wandering through the little shops and had a fantastic lunch at Haunted Hamburger. Last night we watched "The Devil Wears Prada," she hadn't seen it before. We ate apples and fancy cheese, and drank a delicious chardonnay. This morning we hiked along the Bell Rock Loop trail, a flat and scenic little path well-covered by tourists. Sayde trotted happily along in front of us. My uncle came to pick her up shortly after the hike ended, and I retreated into my bedroom and had a blissful two-hour nap! Now I'm putting around the house and enjoying the remainder of my weekend... I am considering taking Friday off of work this week! Mm.

Have good Sunday afternoons, folks. Ciao!

Four Weeks

After walking 5 1/2 miles to complete a Relay Walk for Life, with Jackie, Jessie, and Heidi. So much fun!! (Even after 2 unpleasant blisters! It was midnight and lighting was awful, hence the furry-looking picture!)
My parents, various aunts & uncles, and stepdad's parents on a family picnic a few weeks ago.

So my last post was 4 weeks ago... I've been a busy girl!

I spend most weekends in Flagstaff. In fact, this very weekend is the first weekend I have had that has no plans, schedules, committments, driving, or changes. I'm usually attending an appointment, family event, visiting friends in Prescott, or recently, attending a family reunion. It has been busy & fun, but I am so very glad to just have some peace this weekend.

The school district did (FINALLY) hire an aide for the student I had been babysitting for the first weeks of school. It is working out much better than I had hoped. The aide is professional, willing, and experienced. Best of all, having Bruce on board has allowed me to start working with the other kids whom my job revolves around. My students have been patient, and some of them have been working so very hard to do well. There is still a lot of dysfunction with our principal- spineless and ill person that he is. Fortunately he is in Maine until next Tuesday, so we teachers have enjoyed the fresh breath of air that we can take in his absence. One of my students heard about him being gone, and told me, "Oh! So that's why the school feels so much happier today." Even the kids pick up on the tension. He's a jerk, but I involve him as little as I possibly can with my business. So far that seems to be working. I have a tremendous amount of support from the teachers I work closest to, and so much encouragement. It has been a blessing to be reminded of this fact in stressful moments. My days are very busy, a lot of coming & going. I have really enjoyed getting to work with my students again. I missed a lot of their learning & academics during my weeks with Z, and I'm constantly trying to catch up and fill in the gaps. I remind

myself that I'd much rather be scrambling to fill in gaps than babysitting- and all is well again.

I have begun taking a light dose of anti-depressant. Its been 2 weeks now. It has made a world of difference in my life, without intending to sound overly dramatic. My perspectives have shifted, my mood lightened, and I have found it so much easier to just be happy. It is sort of like being on a caffeine boost, just lighter and air-ier. I don't know. I do find that they are helping me.

I submitted an application for a studio apartment that is in the town of Sedona. (Here, in the Village, I live about 20 minutes away from town. 6 miles but full of chaotic road construction.) The place is small, but functional. It has no bath-tub, which is the biggest frown for me. I love my daily bath and time for reading. I could adjust to reading in bed. There also is not a full kitchen, but it could work. The big draw for me, and why I applied for it, is that it costs $650/month, including utilities. My current rent is more than the amount of one of my paychecks, not including all the utilities. I would be able to save about $450/month if I am accepted to this studio. There is a huge fenced in yard, which Sayde loved at the interview that we went to. The owner of the place lives in a separate house on the property, and I'd have full access to washer/dryer and my own parking driveway and private entrance. I should know by the end of this weekend whether or not I have been accepted. I am trying to be neutral about it. I hate the thought of moving, and uprooting, and readjusting all over again. I have moved so much in the last 8 years- I am sick of it. But financially, I cannot deny that this would be a very smart "move" in the most literal sense.

One of my dear friends from my previous school district, Shanna, gave birth to her second daughter very recently. A sweet little girl that they named Johanna. Her older sister Addie is 12 years old, which makes for a very fun family dynamic. I am so excited for all of them, and I can't wait to meet Johanna!!

Crystal holding her newest neice, baby Johanna. So excited for their new addition to the family!! What a lucky little girl.

Overall... Life is going pretty well these days.

I am healthier, happier, and I have the sweetest dog in the world. I do lose sight of these blessings from time to time. Just give us a cloudy, cool Saturday to lounge in our respective comfort zones, and leftover Thai food to savor- and we are well.

Optimistically hoping for rain,

Linds

UPDATE: The studio apartment was offered to someone else, so I am not going to be living there. I'm okay with that. I still am looking and researching.... I even e-mailed another rental listed to find out more about it... It rained earlier today, and smelled so wonderful.